Games

Everyday it's something new...one day she loves, and the next she never will. One day she talks about kids together, the next day she doesn't even want to be with me. One day she loves me, and the next she's allowed to talk to me...every day i get closer and closer to pulling the fucking trigger that it's not even funny, all because my heart is nothing more than a fucking game that she plays...I wish I did not love her, I wish I didn't have to think about her every minute of the fucking day...I wish I didn't have to sit here at home and allow her to play with my heart like a fucking video game. If it wasn't for the blood, I would have already killed myself by now, and the only thing ever stopping me as the chance that one day I would be with my family again, but that's never going to happen, it's just her way to control the situation...her way to make sure that I will never be happy...her way of controlling how long I stay on this earth...she knows exactly what she is doing to me...she knows that I every fucking time she does this to me, I have a breakdown...the time is coming very soon that I will have more than a breakdown, I will not wake up...and to be honest, I can't fucking wait on that day because I know that the games, and the pain will stop...