Sunday, June 22, 2008

Rule of Engagement

I am a United States Army Combat Veteran. I have lived through war. I have lived through child abuse, to the point that moost of the bones in my body had been broken. I have seen hell, and and to be completely honest, I'd rather be there than where I'm at right now.
Back then, I knew where the bullets were coming from. I knew who I could trust, and who had my back. Right now, I'm all alone, in my own little combat zone. I am living in the same house with the enemy, watching various "crimes of war" on a daily basis. The Rules of Engagement have been layed out, and they're simply understood, I may not fire, even when fired upon.

I have been fired upon, and I sit here, taking it all in, allowing everything to build up until I am unable to take it anymore. Without any other way for me to get this anger and frusteration out of my system, it's gonna be way more of a bang when I finally can't take it and shoot back.
With all this pressure being built up inside me, it will be more like and atomic bomb going off, and right now I'm just waiting to find out who the casualities of war will be. When I start "shooting" off my mouth, heads will turn, and people will fall. My words will hit the intended target with the desired consquences.
If you want to try to mess with my family, I'm going to rip yours apart. For those of you who know me, everything is okay, I need no help. If it comes down to it, I will notify the proper state authorities about what I have seen. Myself, or my family will not be disrespect, I care not whos house I am in.
I leave you with a message of sort.
Blessed are the valiant, for they shall obtain great treasure
-Cursed are the believers in good and evil, for they are
frightened by shadows!

Friday, June 13, 2008


Suicide...alot of people have told me that to commit suicide is the "easy way out", a way that only the weak are "stupid" enough to do. I disagree...I think it takes alot of balls to commit suicide.
Think about it like know that your life is shit. You know better than anybody how many lives you have completely turned upside down. Nobody else has to live with the hurt, and the pain that the "suicidal" person has to. Nobody else knows everything that the "suicidal" person has been through that makes him act the way he does.
Constant dissapointment from everybody around him. Always having to change who he is to make everybody else around him feel comfortable. Not knowing who he is anymore, who are you to judge him becuase of a choice he may or may not decide to do.
I think the hardest choice we have as humans everyday is, do we want to live to see another day. Is today the day that I choose to give my life away? It takes a strong mind, and even stronger heart to know that the world would be better off without you.
Say what you want about this blog because, like I said, you have no idea what anybody else in this world has seen, done, or been through. You can live your perfect little lives, but remember that anything can happen, and you can't always deal with what you are forced to see, do, or go through.
"If you understand, you don't have to ask. If you have to ask, you'll never understand."

Wednesday, June 11, 2008


The blood is dripping
From my lonely heart
Everything I love
Is falling apart

What's the use
Of breaking free
If I caused my loved ones
So much misery

Would I be miss
If I walked away
With the pain I've caused
I couldn't say

You are my life
My very breath
Without you here
I shall fear not death

I'm walking alone
Down this lonely aisle
Focusing on what's ahead
Walking towards Satan's smile

Knowing what I've done
The lives I've shattered
Leaves me feeling nothing
But beaten and battered

Can I be saved
From the hell I've caused
If I told you that I love you
Would you smile, and pause

Will you be my angel
Sent from above
Picking me up
Like a little white dove

Through thick and thin
Would you be in my life
Through good times and bad
Would you be my wife

Would you stand next to me
Until the end
Will you be my wife
And my best friend

I love you so much
Trinity to
I want to be with you both
And forever be true

Give us a chance
To get on our feet
If you don't love me then
I'll accept defeat

I'll pack my stuff
And leave you alone
Follow a new path
And make a new home

No matter the outcome
I'll love you both
If you ever need anything
You can always come home

I'll be waiting there
In the dark alone
For my family
To come back home...

Sunday, June 1, 2008

My Family

I have never been one to go out to bars to pick up women, or even go out on dates. I don't really like the club scene, and most women my age are to immature for my taste. Knowing my feelings about meeting women at bars or clubs, you should know how I feel about online dating…not my thing. My mother on the other hand has met a few people on internet dating sites, and a few others, so it wasn't really a surprise when she made the suggestion that I check it out.

After a few weeks of my mom suggesting that I go meet a girl online, I decided to humor her, and give it a shot. Now, I wasn't really expecting to meet anybody, and to be completely honest, I didn't really want to meet anybody. Come to thinmk of it, I specifically put on the website that I only wanting friendship, and nothing more from the website. I didn't really check the site to often, although whenj I did I usually had a few messages, a couple of them I still talk to today, but for the initial reason of friendship.

It had been a few weeks since I had last checked my account, and when I went online I had a few messages waiting from different people, one of which had a picture of a young blonde woman, and her beautiful little girl. Her name was Desiree, and she was messaging me? She told me that she was a Soldier in the United States Army, and was stationed at Fort Campbell, Kentucky. After a few messages, we exchanged telephone numbers, and everyday on my way to work we'd talk until I had to go in to my job.

At one point she had asked if I would be willing to help her move some things from her vehicle into her apartment. Now, I'm the kind of guy who is willing to help most people with most things, so I went ahead and told her that I would meet her in Kentucky, whenever she wanted to be there. The next day I went to work, I put in for vacation beginning on October 16, 2007, which was a Wednesday…and a payday.

I had got off work at 0600 Wednesday, October the 15, 2007, only to go home and pack a few outfits for my trip down to meet Desiree in Kentucky. I lef the house around 1800 that same day on my way to Oak Grove, Kentucky to meet with the girl who contacted me online. My only stop between home, and Desiree was a Caesars Casino for a Texas Hold'em tournament with my Emergency Squad for one last night out.

I arrived in Oak Grove, Kentucky around 0500 on the 16thof October, for the beginning of a very long day in a new place. I spent some time at the local Wal-Mart sleeping a little in my car after being awake for just over two days, and driving down. Throughout the day I get motivational phone calls from Desiree, informing me of how much fun shes having driving through the storms and tornados on he way to Fort Campbell.

Around 1900, on the 16thI receive another call from Desiree telling me that she is close, and to watch out for her. As I sit in my car, a little white jeep drives by, and I get my first real look at her. Here I am in my purple Emergency Squad Physical Training pants, with no shirt on to meet somebody for the first time. Most people wouldn't be able to pull it off, but for me…it was nothing.

I waited on Desiree to park, then I got out of my car and walked over to her Jeep only to find a beautiful young woman dressed in a Military Combat Uniform. After following her to her new apartment, and getting her household items moved in, we sat on the couch, ordered Papa John's Pizza, and watched DVDs on her computer, as we began to get to know each other.

By this time, I had already began to have feelings for Desiree from just the telephone conversations, after meeting her in person though, they were stronger than ever. After about a month, I was introduced Desiree's mother, father, and the most important, her daughter, Trinity Lee. I knew immediately where I wanted to be from that point on…right there with the two most important women in my life, Desiree and Trinity.

It only took a couple months for me to really get hooked, it was the day Trinity first called me her "daddy". I'd never been called "daddy", so at first it was a little uncomfortable, but after a little bit I began to accept it, and try to do my best to act like it. When it comes to being a little girl's "daddy", everyday is a new challenge, and I'm lucky I have Desiree to keep me from doing anything to stupid.

Right now I'm sitting here in Indiana with Desiree, missing my little girl who is visiting her Grandmother for a few weeks before she comes back home to us. We just moved back up here to Indiana, and are currently staying with my family for the time being until we can get enough money saved up to move into our own apartment. Hopefully, with the next few weeks we will be able to move, and begin the next phase of our lives together.