Sunday, September 25, 2011


I've met someone special
Who deserves more than me
She deserves so much better
Than I could ever be

Thanks to a friend
She's in my life
Yet the time apart cuts
Like a dull edge knife

I hope when I'm home
She's right by my side
My girl and my baby
My joy, and my pride

I feel so close
In the time so small
For the first time in awhile
I feel I have it all

I know it's to soon to tell you
But in my words, you'll know
You've helped me find my smile
I hope you don't let me go

I'm sorry for the drama
That's come your way
If you walk away, I understand
But I'm praying that you stay

I'd like to wake up
You sleeping by my side
Trusting you with everything
My fears won't have to hide

So let me know
If your heart is true
Do you feel about me
as I feel about you...

Saturday, September 24, 2011


I wake up in bed
Nervous and weak
As my feet hit the floor
My outlook appears bleak

I roll outta bed
Stumbling down the hall
Searching for Catelyn's room
Finding only walls

I ask myself why
How can this be
No other reason
It must be me

Am I in hell
Or a dream so real
What will it take
For my mind to finally heal

I make my way back
The way I came
A doorless hallway
I must be to blame

So where do I go
When there's only walls
Then a light up ahead
The flames grow tall

I run towards the light
Flames darting up the walls
Now I see my destiny
I'm destined to fall

I think to myself
No reason to stop
Pushing myself forward
Towards the flames so hot

As I fall into
Eternal flames
I realize something new
Life's just a game

A game of skill
We have to play
If we want to wake up
To another day

In my eyes
The flames die down
Yet another light
Slowly surrounds

I open my eyes
To the sun so bright
Run to Catelyn's room
Hold her tight

The tunnels end
May not be in sight
But just keep searching
Until you find the light...

"Woman's State"

I'm trying to stay positive
As much as I can
Knowing I'm just
In where I stand

Do I have faith
In the law that I love
That has me locked in a cell
Like someone's pet dove

What are the chances
That they refuse to see
Because I'm a man
It's her who hits me

Do they even care
Who does the crime
As long as a mother
Doesn't do time...

"Domestic Truths"

I woke up in bed
Not alone
Being touched by another
Amanda lay prone

I told her to stop
'Get the fuck out"
Got out from under her
Began to block

Picked up my cell
Went to the hall
Dodged her fist
As it hit the wall

I went to the bedroom
To avoid the fight
Locked the door
Hoping for a better night

After she kicked in
My bedroom door
I dodged the punches
We toppled to the floor

She grabbed my cell
Busted the screen
The number to call
Were all unseen

I grabbed another
Phone to call
She heard me talking
Ran down the hall

I needed help
So I called the Police
Now I sit in jail
Awaiting release

While she sits at home
A smile on her face
My Daughter in her arms
Another guy at my place

I'm not mad
She'll get what's coming
When the scales of justice tilt
You'll see her come running

Running for the help
She lost long ago
I'm no longer there
This hand let go

Now she'll fall
It's a long way down
In memories of lives shattered
Slowly, she'll drown...

"The Past"

There's been much violence
Bloodshed and tears
You and I tried
Year after year

You didn't understand
You were my true love
Everything about you
Sent from above

But I wasn't enough
To quench your thirst
As I marched off to war
My happy bubble burst

You found someone new
When I got on that plane
Only ten days
Unable to refrain

You didn't care then
If I lived or died
Not til I came home
Nothing left inside

That's when you asked me
If I loved you still
After fucking another
Not against your will

So now take a step
Backwards and see
Who's really to blame
Is it you, or me

Who's to blame
For your tears at night
For the hate in your heart
That pushes you to fight

I'm not to blame
For the pain you feel
I walked away
I took time to heal

I urge to you
Do the same
Live your life
Find a better mind frame...

"The Choice"

Laying here alone
Thinking of my Daughter's eyes
Those beautiful baby blues
Like start in the night sky

I hope one day later
You're old enough to know
My love for you was strong
I never wanted to let go

I never wanted to see you
Shed your tears at night
Or live your life as I
An ongoing fight

Thinking, should I leave
Or for my baby, should I stay
\Should I be a Daddy
Or because of your mommy, walk away

I know I shouldn't do it
But walk away I must
Her mother and I
Have lost all sense of trust

I'm hoping that you know
Your Daddy's love was strong
But I couldn't deal with your mother
It's best that I stay gone

It's best if I leave you now
With a smile, not a tear
If your Daddy you never know
Me leaving, you'll never fear

Sitting here alone
Holding back the tears
Wondering where you'll be
In the next twenty years

I hope you find you'll way
Back into your Daddy's arms
Twenty years from now
I'll still protect you from harm

I'll still be your rock
And hold you when you cry
Hoping for that day
Makes me want to try

So here I am, back where I began
Do I walk away
Or for my baby
Do I stay

I think I'll be a man
Do what I gotta do
Nothing will keep me away
I'm your Daddy, and I love you!

"The Game"

I was hoping to see the smile
Of an angel on your face
Instead I saw a frown
Your happiness misplaced

Nothing is as it seems
It takes time for the truth to come
In the end it won't be us
But Amanda who comes undone

Give it time
And you will see
As her lies come spewing out
Justice will be with me

I'm preparing for a jury
A trial by fire
Getting everything ready
I'm taking the road that's higher

No use in getting mad
Slinging insults and blame
To me this is my life
To her it's just a game

The Police just a pawn
The judge merely the Queen
What she fails to understand
Is the evidence is King

So when it finally comes
We're at the trial date
When all is said and done
Smile, and say 'Checkmate'

Thursday, August 25, 2011



What could I do
to catch your eye
I know that you're taken
but still, should I try

You're very beautiful
and sweet as can be
Would I have a chance
if you found yourself free

Those beautiful eyes
and angel face
what I wouldn't do
to stand in his place

The way I feel
It's been so long
I know you're taken
but it doesn't feel wrong

Should I walk away
let you be
to live your life
with him and not me

I think I will
I'll walk away
You seem to happy
for me to stay

Remember this
my heart is true
If you ever need me
I'm here for you

I'm here as a friend
but wishing more
everything about you
I absolutely adore

So to you I give
another chance to say
You want to stand with me
until our final days

Stand together
until the end
life long lover
and very best friend...

Friday, August 19, 2011

"I'm Here"

Don't let your tears fall
From your child's eyes
They need not know why
Their mommy cries

They need not know
the hits you take
or that your love for daddy
is predominantly fake

Don't put them in the middle
Never let them see
The fights are between you and him
Let them be free

I know it's not my business
and I don't mean to pry
I'm thinking of the children
You really need to try

I'm here for you now
as I'll always be
friends til the end
you and me

I'm here to catch you
before you fall
Your friend to lean on
When your back is against the wall

I'll pick you up
wipe the tears
With me by your side
You have nothing to fear

I'm your shouder
When you need to cry
the voice of solace
when you hope to die

Don't forget
I'm always near
your friend until the end
here to kiss away your tears

When you decide
to walk away
you and the kids
have a safe place to stay...

Thursday, August 18, 2011

"Dear Catelyn"

Daddy's little angel
Lighting up my way
Forever in my heart
My little girl will stay

I wish you'd slow down
You're growing up to fast
I wasn't supposed to have kids
You're my first, and last

I'm greeted each morning
by your beautiful smile
Like you, I've been waiting
A very long while

The darkened path
I'd always walked
Came to an end
As our eyes first locked

From that moment
I always knew
My life was worth living
because of you

There is nothing in this world
I would not do
to show my baby girl
Daddy's love is true

Nothing compares
to that very first kiss
or falling down myself
when that first step you miss

But , don't worry Catelyn
I'll never let you fall
Your first lesson in life
I love you above all

So, whenever you feel
like you're losing ground
Your daddy is near
just look around

You can always trust
Daddy is here
You're my baby girl
There is nothing to fear

I no longer have
That long regret
Wishing your mother
I had never met

I know her and I
Will never get along
But this much is true
Our love for you is strong

We'll always be here
to help yuo through
When life is hard
We're here for you

The years may pass
but we'll be right here
Growing with our baby
for many long years

One day late
our time will come
Our time together
will come undone

Don't be sad
and please don't cry
We want to remember the happiness
and smile in your eyes

Even after we're gone
My lessons will live on
Live happy and free
and Always stay strong...

Monday, August 15, 2011


You look at me thinking
"He has it all"
A place of his own and money
You never see the fall

I go home alone
lay down in bed
Thoughts of what could be
racing through my head

Thoughts of laying down
A kiss before I sleep
Having someone hold me
When the dreams get too deep

Thoughts of waking up
To another beautiful smile
Knowing she'll always be there
to go the extra mile

I doubt I'll ever find it
A woman who's love is true
Sometimes it's good to be me
Most times I'd rather be you

I'd rather be the person
Who's heart is filled with love
Than the man I have become
Who believes in nothing up above

You look at me thinking
I have it all
As I spiral downward
hugging the wall

Such a long way
Trying not to look down
Embracing my future alone
In my thoughts I slowly drown

I've looked far and wide
to find a woman so true
I think I'd have better luck
If I was more like you

I'll trade you paths
you can have my life
Maybe then I'd feel happy
still have a loving wife

So, I urge you not
envy me
You a much better person
Than I'll ever be...

Saturday, August 6, 2011


Get in my way
and you shall see
The person I've become 
who you've made me

It didnt matter
that you were never there
I didnt miss you
I never cared

You stayed away 
as much as you can
Leaving your family
you had your own plan

You were never needed
as you're still not today
You were never a mother
so get out of my way

You walked out on your family
a husband and son
To fuck a juvenile
your life coming undone

Now you think
you can fix the past
Obcessing over my daughter
it's over at last

You tell people I'm a bad daddy
I'm no good for my girl
At least I'm trying
Not avoiding the hurdle

I'll never walk away
from my beautiful baby girl
I'm nothing like you
My child is my world

So when you think
you're better then me
Look in the mirror
maybe then you'll see

You were a piece of shit mom
and thats coming from me
Keep talking about my daughter 
my face you will see

You may think im playing
but believe me im not
Keep playing your games
I'll leave you to rot

As mean as this sounds
believe me it true
You did it yourself
blame nobody but you

Nobody cares
if tears you cry
I honestly don't give a damn 
if it makes you want to die

Maybe you'll think about
all that you lost
When you didn't give a fuck
about the lives you crossed...

Thursday, August 4, 2011

"Causalities of War"

I've been to hell
To fight and die
The people of this country
Still asking why

Why did you go
Willing to fight
Why don't you care
About doing what's right

Do you get off on it
Have an urge to kill
or a brainwashed Soldier
Who enjoys the thrill

I'm inhumane
So they say
Cause I took a life
To see another day

If only they seen
The pain in my eyes
After that first kill
The tears I cried

That little child
Maybe three years old
A bullet between the eyes
As my heart grew cold

Why you ask
Did the child die
to kill his pain
as the Abrams tracked by

The orders followed
Were plain and clear
We stop for nothing
We must strictly ad hear

The child was laying
In the middle of the street
Hajis with cell phone
Walking their beats

Unable to avoid
The child so near
The possibilities of an IED
Was my number one fear

I shot between the eyes
To minimize the pain
Knowing in my heart
The Abrams could not refrain

Afraid of hearing 
The screaming so loud
Of the child being crushed
and you think I'm proud

You think I don't
Stay awake at night
a victim of my actions
and easy to fright

Now you why
My heart grew cold
The man I am today
Could not be foretold

Whenever I see
a young child alone
I'm taken back to the day
His body laying prone

I don't speak much
of my time in the dust
I find it difficult to love
Even harder to trust

So, tell me again
What you think of me
because of my actions
Your speech is free

The freedom you enjoy
Was payed with my life
I gave all I had
Nothing left for my wife

I've been alone and unhappy
Since I stepped off the sand
I walk alone
She no longer holds my hand

This I've given
To keep you free
My present and future
Everything that was me...

Thursday, July 28, 2011

"Lost Angel"

Born in blood
I live in sin
Living each day
A demon within

The angel is gone
Who calmed my soul
No longer saved
as the words were told

There is no light
Yet the tunnel is clear
walking through darkness
hoping the end is near

Searching for the one
Who lights the way
whose beautiful halo
Turns night to day

Is she out there
Who will I find
An angel to help me
Leave the past behind

An angel to kiss
Away the tears
and stand with me
Until my final years...

Monday, January 31, 2011

New Day

"New Day"

We can't feel joy
Without the pain
or smell the roses 
Without the rain

The darkest clouds
Fade away
Revealing to us
A beautiful new day

My Daughter asked
A question so hard
Why the divorce
I feel another scar

The tears she cries
Because of me
She's not the only one
Our tears flow free

I miss her with every
beat of my heart
My beautiful baby girl
Not wanting to be apart

She called me Daddy
I held back my tears
She's seen too many
Over three long years

Her mother and me
My wife and I
We can do this
We need to try

We are better than this
The both of us
We need a little more love
And a lot more trust

Can we do this
Should we try
Is it worth our love
Or should we just say goodbye...

I Love You

"I Love You"

I'm not depressed
Sad, or upset
Yet, I'm writing poems
They keep running through my head

My inspiration
Came via phone
Laying here in bed
I no longer feel alone

Since last night
Walking dazed, and confused
Wondering if I'm dreaming
Was I really talking to you

Did you say what I think
It sounded so true
I asked you three times
The most beautiful words...I love you

Do you really love me
Do you mean what you say
Can we be together
Somehow, some way

I know in my head
That we cannot
My heart had to ask
About such a wonderful thought

My love for you
Remains strong, and true
The three most beautiful words
I love you...


J. Rodgers

I'm keeping my heart
Close to my side
I can't let you know
My love I must hide

Over the years
It has held on strong
For the last petal
Is still where it belongs

I wish I could tell you
How I feel inside
Tell you that I love you
and not have to hide

What I want
Can never be
Lost in love
For all eternity

If only we'd look back
Twenty years from now
Laugh at our mistakes
Wondering how

Holding our Grandchild
So beautiful, and true
Finally loving another
As I love her and you

With you I vowed
To spend my life
Trin as my Daughter
You, as my beautiful wife

I know it's too late
We can never be
Together in my dreams
Forever, you and me...

Sunday, January 30, 2011

Final Day

Final Day
J. Rodgers

Although I tried
I could not die
A bottle of pills
Yet nobody cried

They did not care
If I lived or died
Just gives me reason
To give it another try

Without them here
There's nothing left to lose
I have failed myself
Nothing left to prove

As I finish the bottle
Of Gentleman Jack
The pills take effect
I've fallen to my back

I see it all pass
Before my eyes
This life I've wasted
Based on lies

Looking at myself
Frozen in time
Pictures from the past
When you were happily mine

I see the day we met
Rain dripping down your face
Your beautiful blue eyes
As we unpacked your suitcase

I can see Trin
The day her and I met
Or when she called me "Daddy"
That, I'll never forget

Our first real Christmas
Together, at last
It will always be special
A highlight of my past

Now I feel I'm fading
Vision, going black
I'll miss you, and I love you
There's no going back

As my life
Slips away
You were on my mine
On my final day...

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

Walking Away

"Walking Away"

Should I walk away
Let her go
Live my life
On the open road

Would she be better of
without me there
complicating her life
as if I don't care

I've already lost one
i hope she's doing well
How my baby is doing
Her mother refuses to tell

I'm getting tired
of walking alone
surrounded by people
searching for home

Should I give up
Stop the tears
walk away
Face my fears

She is better off
Without me there
I'd give her nothing
but sadness and despair

I've made up my mind
I'm walking away
I'll never forget her
In my heart she'll stay

Raise out daughter
The very best
Tel her "daddy loved her"
But failed life's test

Make sure she ends up
Not like me
Make sure she smiles
Lives happy and free

This choice was made
From the heart with love
As I kiss her goodbye
And embrace death from above...